Things a good mother doesn't do

 
I'm not supposed to:

Wear shirts that reveal the fact that I don't wear garments
Have panty lines--another reminder of my lack of proper underwear
Have a drawer full of thongs and underwear prettier than my daughters'
Drink coffee
Or tea
Or anything from a Starbucks cup
Stay home from church
Work on Sunday
Shop on Sunday
Not go to the stupid ward Christmas party
Not have a calling--though it's tough to fulfill a calling when you don't go to church

And that's just the stuff they know about. 

Apparently by doing these things I cause my family pain.  The fact that I work 50-60 hours a week to support two of them at BYU doesn't count.  The cooking, cleaning, driving around, loving them and supporting them in all they do doesn't make up for it.  I raised my children to be strong in the church.  I am reaping what I sowed.  The sad thing is, I'd be just a normal mother in any other culture.

Got my dander in a twist again

Oh, I guess it's my knickers that are in a twist.  My dander is up.  I've got to change my newspaper from the Deseret News to the Tribune.  It just gets worse every day and there's always something else that induces gags over my morning coffee.  Today it was a lovely little column written by Linda and Richard Eyre intitled "Pre-existence helps parenting".  If you're familiar with the Eyres, you know they had a bajillion kids and now consider themselves authorities on parenting.  If you want to read the whole sickly-sweet column you can find it here.  Anyway, it expounds on the idea that as Mormon parents, we know  "our children had their beginnings (and developed their personalities) long before genetic heredity and mortal environment came into play.  Most moms know the personality of their newborns even before they bring them home from the hospital. They are who they already are. Their unique natures and characteristics have been developing over the past half of eternity."  Hmmmmm...interesting.  And yet, the church teaches that no one is BORN GAY.  Hmmmm... I'm so confused now!  I think they need to clarify a few things.  I would write them a letter but that's so old-fashioned.  I'll just throw this out on the internet and maybe they'll see it.

Hey!  Rick and Linda!  Can I be so familiar or should I call you Brother and Sister Eyre?  Well, anyway, I have a question for you.  You've got a whole herd of kids, so odds are that one of them is gay.  When (hopefully not if) that child tells you, what will you say?  Will you tell him that it's a choice he's making, that he WASN'T born that way?  Will you tell him God doesn't make gay people?  What about the myriad of little things you noticed about him throughout his childhood that made him different than his siblings?  Can you deny he CAME THAT WAY?  Will you then look into his beautiful face and anguished eyes and tell him that, unlike the rest of your children, you do NOT want him to find a partner to marry?  That you want him to spend this life alone and without anyone to share love and affection with?  Can you really do that?  Because the decision you make in this situation will show what kind of parents you REALLY are.

My deep and burning thoughts for the day...

Can this marriage be saved?

I remember reading that series in some women's magazine, Ladies Home Journal, I think.  It was always interesting as both the husband and wife would lay out their gripes about what they felt was wrong with the marriage.  Then the counselor would put her two cents in and the marriage would be saved!  I don't remember reading one where the counselor said, "There's nothing worth saving.  Let it go."  Maybe there has been but I've blocked it out.

Which leads me to "interfaith marriage", for lack of a better term.  When a husband and wife don't agree on their religious beliefs, or lack of.  If two people go into marriage knowing that they have differing views, I'm sure it's difficult enough.  But if one spouse's beliefs change after many years of marriage, what then?  Is it possible to completely realign a relationship at that point?  And if the marriage wasn't particularly strong to begin with?  I've been pondering this question for months and have come up with nothing.  Just going around and around and around with the same questions with no answers.  And for someone who doesn't like to think, it's been torture.

So I'm throwing this question out there to the internet.  Has anyone been through this and what happened?  Can this marriage be saved?  Or should it? 

Zena with a Z

Ever since reading The Cognitive Dissenter's post "What's in a name?" I've been pondering names.  I'm approaching the half century mark and I've been trying to envision who and what I'd like to be at that point in my life.  I LOVE the name Helena Handbag but that was taken by a roller derby babe.  So I've settled for Zena with a Z.  That's the full name, as in "Hi, my name is Zena with a Z".  Pretentious?  I hope not.  I really don't care for the letter X but I like Z so Z it shall be. 

So who shall this Zena be?  Not a warrior princess.  The princess thing is SO overdone.  But I love the whole metal bustier thingy.  That would hold the old girls up better than the best underwire bra so I'll keep that.  So this is how I envision me, a mature Zena with a Z::

Smiter of the bigots and homophobes.

Slapper of the passive-aggressive.

Bearer of acceptance and understanding.

Owner of her very own coffee maker.  And maybe a grinder too.

Able to hang out at a coffee shop on Sunday mornings and read the paper with no guilt.

Keeper of a bottle or two of her favorite booze.

And free to live her own life as she sees fit, no longer doing just what's been expected of her by others.

I'll keep adding to the list but I think I've got a good start. I'll throw in a little Sis. Dottie S. Dixon too but less frumpy and more

I wonder if Blue Boutique has metal bustiers...

Flogging the Frightened Rabbit

There's nothing like working retail to suck any holiday spirit from your mind and body.  In one of my jobs I am able to put on earphones and listen to music a bit.  It saves me from hearing things like:

"Laman, I'm not going to tell you to stop it one more time!  Not one more time!  Do you hear me?  Not once more!"
"Lemuel, quit biting your sister."
"If you get out of my sight, someone will take you and you'll never see me again!"
All this combined with the screaming of babies and toddlers.  Stores in Utah have a very high percentage of small children.  Multiply by eight hours and you've got the makings of a terrific migraine.

Well, I haven't been able to bear the thought of listening to Christmas music yet (not even my favorite Twisted Sister Christmas) so the other day I put on a mix of Flogging Molly and Frightened Rabbit.  Besides giving me a weird Scottish/Irish brogue for a while, it also depressed the hell out of me.  I just have no holiday spirit this year.  The tree is not up.  No lights are hung.  No time to do shopping for my own presents to give and not much money to do it with.  And the hubby is narrating the ward's Christmas program in a couple of weeks.  I really do NOT wnat to go and don't know what to do.  With any luck I'll be working and I won't have to make the decision.

I'm in a Bah Humbug funk that I can't seem to pull myself out of.  Is it just me this year or is anyone else feeling it?  Maybe I'll put funny Christmas sweaters on the dogs. But I'd have to actually shop for them. 

Shove me into shallow water before I get too deep...

A sampling of some random things that make me laugh:

I saw this product in a store and had to take a picture.  I mean, WTF?  Working away on your laptop while being milked like a cow?  And there could at least be a token picture of a baby so you know what your milking for.

Saw this guy driving down the road.  I don't know if he was delivering the construction cones someplace or just wanted to give them a ride in the fresh air.

One of the weirdest pictures I have EVER seen.

You were thinking the same thing...admit it.

Words to live by if you have a secret blog.  NEVER go to bed without clearing your browser history.