Monday, April 4, 2011

The path of least resistance

Once again Cognitive Dissenter has channeled my mood.  Why do we tolerate the intolerable?  I've been asking myself this question since I returned from sunny Las Vegas to frosty conditions. (Oh, and it was cold outside, too.)  I've tolerated the intolerable because it is the path of least resistance.  I don't make waves.  I don't like confrontation.  Not going to church has been the path of least resistance for me because of the effort it took mentally just to go.  It was exhausting and I simply couldn't do it anymore.

Only at work am I able to thumb my nose at authority.  I keep a drink in my cart!  (Only Diet Coke or water, although booze would be preferable.)  It is against the rules and the younger girls are aghast at my audacity.  But I say, fuck those stupid, young managers.  They aren't walking the floor for eight hours and well as answering the damn phone.  Yeah, I'm a rebel.  But that's really as far as my public displays of disaffection go. 

I've been in a deep depression since returning home.  There have been many hours of work to catch up on because no good vacation goes unpunished.  I've slept-walked through it all, just trying to put one foot in front of the other, like slogging through quicksand and trying not to get sucked under.  Then one day I turned around and a man looked me in the eyes and smiled.  He is unfazed by my age and extra pounds and wedding ring.  He thinks I'm beautiful and sexy and is smitten.  And I suddenly notice all the paths opening up in front of me.  I may not take this particular path but I know it's time to get off the path of least resistance.  Because there really are better ones out there.  Paths with dappled sunshine and companionship.  Booze and a coffee maker.  And maybe actual love...


  1. As Tex pointed out, you are a sexy bitch.

    You deserve happiness. AND love. And maybe even some sex that doesn't require batteries. :)

  2. I wish you the happiness and companionship you deserve.

  3. This post makes me angry and makes me tear up at the same time. It is so hard to do what you're doing, JZ. It's wrong that you get no support from the ass (can I call him that? I already do in my head ...). Those frigid living conditions suck the joy out of life. Just like his god does. Which ... yeah.

    You deserve dappled sunshine, real companionship, booze and a coffee maker. Battery operated sex may be underrated but the other kind is pretty nice too. You deserve to be with someone like that guy with the smile in his eyes.

    If you ever want to get together for a drink and/or some dinner or whatever, I don't believe we're that far away from each other. Just holler.

  4. Brandi, you're running on batteries right now so I know you can sympathize somewhat. Thanks.

    Donna, your SF trips look awesome. I hope I can join you some day.

    CD, Fanny is planning a Bad Girls Weekend, Utah edition in your neck of the woods... and dinner or drinks would be fabulous anytime. (And I call him the Sour Kraut. Under my breath, of course.)

  5. Sour Kraut -- awesome. He could be all kinds of condiments. Gray Poop-on, um, those little teeny weenies ...

    Re. BGW-U -- I'm in. Same for dinner or drinks. Weekdays/nights are generally best for me.

  6. JZ, from meeting you and talking with you... you are a beautiful person, not only on the inside... I'm jealous of your natural beauty!

    I encourage you to take CD up on her offer and go to dinner sometime. And when we have our BGW - U, she's soooo welcome! Let's get through the colder days so we can lounge by the pool (with your blended mojitos!)

  7. Fanny, you are way too kind but I appreciate it. Mojitos will always mean Vegas to me now. And I really want to try those pudding shots!