Sunday, April 10, 2011

Masturbation in marriage.

This is a powerful video I came across.  The second part that deals with masturbation and marriage hit me especially hard.  It brought back the memory early in my marriage of my husband telling me that he had had to resort to masturbation.  I. Was. Devastated. I sat in my room and cried desperate tears. My husband had committed the sin next to murder because of MY ineptness as a wife.  I had a baby and a toddler, was alone at least 16 hours of the day and most of the night, had recently had a ruptured appendix which took months to recover from and had spiraled into a deep depression which required medication.  The last thing I needed was the guilt heaped on me because of his "sin", but there it was.  It was my fault.  If I were just a better wife...

Just imagine if I had been able to say, like the woman in the video suggests, "go take care of yourself, honey," without feeling any guilt or pressure.  Without the additional weight of another's "sin".

About 20 years later, at the age of 45, I was extremely dissatisfied  with my marriage and especially the state of my sex life.  It's true that women reach their sexual peak in the 40's and the attempts at sex with my husband were not only few and far between but bitterly frustrating.  The first time I tried masturbating I was horribly ashamed and really had no idea what I was doing.  But to have reached that ripe old age and still not be familiar with my own body was the real sin.  And it's a sad state of affairs in a marriage when your first real orgasm is powered by batteries and your own hand.

First I learned to take charge of my own physical and sexual needs and then moved on to emotional and spiritual.   Maybe that's why masturbation is considered so sinful and dangerous to leads to freedom in mind and body.


  1. To think about how we used to let our lives and our happiness be dictated by some invisible white guy constantly leering over our shoulders ... It's insane! I was so angry at first because I felt so stupid.

    I was divorced young then single for a lot of years, and oh-so obedient. it was quite an eye-opener to discover how "liberal" that Almighty Asshole was when it came to the men's sexual needs. When I saw how little insight -- or caring -- god had when it came to women that's when I pretty much gave him both fingers and a memorable parting shot of my butt crack.

    Now -- me and god (aka Joseph Smith's, et al, alter ego) we don't speak at all and haven't for years. ... The best years of my life.

    And I think you're right about why masturbation is considered such a threat to the penis-hood. Good insight.

  2. CD, I love your righteous anger! I feel much more justified in mine, for some reason. This post was pretty revealing and controversial, but what the hell. This blog is for me.

  3. Exactly! And rest assured, JZ, plenty of people are reading who feel too intimidated or afraid of the topic (or what other people might think) to comment, but they're taking careful notes. ... possibly masturbating as we speak. ; ) Or purchasing a vibrator.

  4. I have been so friggin ticked off about what my childhood religion taught me about sexuality, and how evil it was to masturbate or do anything other than penetrative sex without contraception. I am so glad any future daughters I have will be saved from such abusive lies.

  5. Mr.Lay, thanks for the compliment. May I call you Frito?

    Macha, I wish I had been able to influence my daughters but it's too late. They are very TBM.

  6. I love hot tubs... with powerful jets. Just sayin...

  7. JZ-

    Yes, please do call me Frito, my friends do. Although some call me the F-Man. Or F-Dog. Or the F'er (although I'm not convinced those are really my friends...)
    You bare your soul on here and spur reflective thought - call me whatever you are comfortable calling me. Except maybe the F'er...

  8. "to have reached that ripe old age and still not be familiar with my own body was the real sin."