When I was growing up it was to keep mom happy or dinner would be dripping down the dining room wall before we could eat it. If mom wasn't happy, nobody was safe.
And I was taught at church that I was only a woman. The man held the priesthood. He was the head and I was to defer to him. First my dad, then my husband. 'Cause Eve doesn't speak. She just shuts up and goes along with things.
So is it any wonder I have trouble standing up for myself now? For whatever reason, I am a pleaser. I want people to like me. I feel I really don't deserve anything better than what I'm given. And I'm just a woman and can't be trusted to know what's best for me. It all adds up to a "kick me" sign on my back.
Well, not anymore! I'm going to find that fine line between doormat and complete-bitch-that-no-one-can-stand-to-be-around.
So I'm going to start saying things like:
No, I can't take your shift. I need a night off too. And I deserve one.
I didn't dirty these dishes so I'm not going to spend my precious time off washing them. Learn to clean up after yourself.
If you want to go back to college, you find a job and pay your own way. It doesn't mean I don't love you.
While I'm flattered by the attention, I don't feel the same and don't want to pursue a relationship.
I really don't want to sleep on the floor and I don't think I should have to.
And the big one will be:
I deserve happines and respect and I'm going off to find it. Goodbye.
This is going to take a lot of practice.
Go for it!
ReplyDeleteI used lie around on the front porch too. It wasn't very comfortable.
Is this why you gave up your ticket to the stripper pole dancing class... just to keep me company?
ReplyDeleteI know it's hard but I think you're getting to a breaking point and by then it won't be hard to say "Feck Off!".
But ... but ... JZ ... if you stand up for yourself and say what you really want ... the Mormon boys will think you're unattractive and you'll go to hell ... and you'll be nothing like Sister Julie Beck!
ReplyDeleteOh wait. Do it. Dammit. Nothing motivates one to sin like the chilling prospect of being a pregnant doormat for all eternity. And the horrific thought of no beer and no one normal to talk to!
Your friend sounds like she knows you pretty well. Okay, don't be a doormat but don't let inconsiderate people rob you of the joy that can come from your truly giving nature either.
ReplyDeleteYou didn't really sleep on the floor did you? What kind of person would do something like that? :)
Donna, sometimes laying around the front porch is nice...if it's what you want to do.
ReplyDeleteFanny, I skipped the class because I felt like having a drink with a friend. So I did!
CD, I want to be the ANTI Sis. Julie Beck. To spend eternity with her ilk and having babies sounds like hell to me. And I've sworn off Mormon boys.
FritoLay, are you related to the Frito Bandito?
Sí, soy. Pero no dice nadie. Soy incógnito. O cerca de Cognito de todos modos...
ReplyDeleteO.K., this is my third attempt at a comment here today. Blogger just won't post them. So, we'll see.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, you sleeping on the floor was a huge issue for me, and I felt bad that it worked out that way. The last person on board was supposed to be the one on the floor or couch and they were told that. You and Fanny should have had the bedroom. There were lots of things that happened at this BGW that made me feel like not wanting to be in charge of organizing it again.
As for being a door mat, my "I'm not going to lay down and take your crap" epiphany happened when I lost weight. It was REALLY hard because people were so used to me yessing everything, that I suddenly seemed like a bitch because I was saying no when I didn't want to do something, and putting up boundaries. They took me aside for "heart to hearts" about how losing weight had changed me and it wasn't for the better. Yes, it HAD changed me, and maybe not for THEIR better, but most certainly for mine.
And sure, sometimes we all take one for the team now again--common courtesy and compassion dictates that, but there's a line between courtesy and compassion and being a door mat. We all need to find that line. I'm glad you're finding yours.
Brandi, I wasn't completely referring to Vegas when I wrote the floor thing, but I considered that MY problem because it is a problem I have in all areas of my life. I'm not blaming anyone else at all. I loved the trip and I'm very glad I went.
ReplyDeleteI guess it takes something big like losing weight or a midlife crisis to get some of us to wake up and realize we are worth more than we are giving ourselves credit for. We are the lucky ones!
I LOVE your list!!!
ReplyDeleteYou totally deserve to take care of you! And that does NOT make you a bitch!!