Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Pray the tall away

I have finally realized after all these years that I made a choice. I chose to be tall. It wasn't genetics or the fact that I grew up in a part of the world with plenty of healthy food and safe water that allowed my body to grow to it's tallest potential. No, that had nothing to do with it. Because, you see, God simply doesn't make tall people. He wouldn't do that to us. This is a choice I made and I should stop whining about the consequences.

Because I chose to be tall I should just keep silent when people make derogatory remarks about my extreme verticality. They chose to be a more moderate height and therefore they may make rude comments on my choice to be tall. If I'm putting myself out there and flaunting my height in their faces, I deserve any remarks they see fit to make. If I don't want the teasing, I should simply stop acting so tall.

I deserve no special accommodations because of my choice. Just because shorter people can waltz into a store, find a great fitting pair of jeans, easily purchase them and take them home, that doesn't mean I should be able to do the same. I chose to have a long inseam so I should just accept the difficulty in clothing myself. I do not deserve to have pants like others who have made a different choice. Long pants are not a right.

It's unnatural to look down on other people's bald spots. It makes them uncomfortable, too. People shouldn't be able to reach high shelves or touch the ceiling. It's just not right. Shorter men do not like procreating with taller women so this goes against God's plan for us. It's just all kinds of wrong.

People tell me they love me but hate my height. If I can become like they are then they can love and acceept me fully. The church tells me if I pray enough, if I have faith enough and if I'm worthy enough, I will be cured of this gangly choice and become acceptable in the sight of God and good Christian people. I'm also going to ask Santa to bring me short legs for Christmas.


  1. As a tall woman, I understand completely.

  2. OK, so just STOP BEING TALL! -- Have you tried praying it away?

  3. I'll bet Michelle Bachman can help you. Watch out for her husband, though.

  4. Ive had to deal all my life with being ruggedly handsome so I kind of know what you mean. I wish people would ignore my looks and get to know the real me. If I was closer I'd stand on my tippy toes and give you a hug.

  5. You obviously must have done something wrong to be so tall. It's your fault, you know. You're not trying hard enough. What's WRONG with you?