"Zena! What are you doing here?"
Um, I'm wearing a name badge and handling the merchandise. I thought it was obvious. "I work here."
It was Mouthlissa. Former Relief Society secretary and ward gossip. "Don't you work at Local Quasi-Government Agency?"
"No, I quit that three years ago." I guess she's not up on the gossip anymore.
"Well, you look fantastic! What have you been doing with yourself?"
"Yesterday I was banged repeatedly in a hotel room. You know, sex is great for the complexion. I think I even lost a few pounds from the workout. And all that rolling around in bed put a lot of body and volume in my hair."
No, I didn't really say it. But it was so damn tempting.
I'm just very happy to know you're gettin a little. Or a LOT! Now get that damn Di-Vorce.
ReplyDeleteOh Fanny, I never said it was TRUE! (Or not.) It would have made damn good gossip though and Mouthlissa would have been happy to spread it.
ReplyDeleteIt would have made my day if you had reported you had said that to her...
ReplyDeleteOnce upon a time, when I had a mother-in-law, she kept asking when I was going to have kids. I got tired of the question, so one day, timid, conservative, quiet, respectful me said, "We're TRYING everyday, but nothing yet... Maybe we need to try more than once a day. What do you think?"
I never got the question again. I didn't even care that it was a total lie...
I swear I KNOW Mouthlissa ... or, like 73 of them. You crack me up! "I pole dance for Jesus at XXX Girls so we can pay tithing. You wouldn't believe how flexible one can get from working a pole."
ReplyDeleteJen, that's classic! I wish I was that quick when my MIL says stupid things.
ReplyDeleteCD, Mouthlissa already tattled on a bunch of us once for drinking. Funny thing is, I didn't even have a drink that time.