Where's a drag queen when you need one?

I got a phone call from my son.  "Mom, what dress size am I?"

Now, I know his pant size, his shirt size and even his boxer size but I didn't have a clue about his dress size.  It's never come up before.

"My measurements are 37-37-37.  What would that make me?"

It would make him a paper towel tube.  A large paper towel tube.  "Go with your waist size.  You can pad out the top." 

"I think that's a size 12.  Where can I find a Vanna White-style of dress?"

We spent a delightful afternoon online shopping and discussing different styles and fabrics and how to accentuate his non-waist and the best way to make boobs.  

"What size bra would I take?  I want pummelo size."

What cup size is a pummelo?  That's another idea I'd never pondered on.  We stopped short of having him try on one of my bras for size.  I think if he had, his sister would have had a convulsion.  She seemed to be developing strange facial tics. 

I am hoping that for Mother's Day he and I can go dress shopping together.  And then we can look for wigs!  His half-inch hair ain't gonna cut it.  Top it off with a trip to Bath and Body Works for some smelly-good skin stuff and this could be the best Mother's Day ever! 

He is gonna make a damn fine Vanna White.  And he's already got the pumps for it.  Size 15.