I got a phone call from my son. "Mom, what dress size am I?"
Now, I know his pant size, his shirt size and even his boxer size but I didn't have a clue about his dress size. It's never come up before.
"My measurements are 37-37-37. What would that make me?"
It would make him a paper towel tube. A large paper towel tube. "Go with your waist size. You can pad out the top."
"I think that's a size 12. Where can I find a Vanna White-style of dress?"
We spent a delightful afternoon online shopping and discussing different styles and fabrics and how to accentuate his non-waist and the best way to make boobs.
"What size bra would I take? I want pummelo size."
What cup size is a pummelo? That's another idea I'd never pondered on. We stopped short of having him try on one of my bras for size. I think if he had, his sister would have had a convulsion. She seemed to be developing strange facial tics.
I am hoping that for Mother's Day he and I can go dress shopping together. And then we can look for wigs! His half-inch hair ain't gonna cut it. Top it off with a trip to Bath and Body Works for some smelly-good skin stuff and this could be the best Mother's Day ever!
He is gonna make a damn fine Vanna White. And he's already got the pumps for it. Size 15.