Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Where's a drag queen when you need one?

I got a phone call from my son.  "Mom, what dress size am I?"

Now, I know his pant size, his shirt size and even his boxer size but I didn't have a clue about his dress size.  It's never come up before.

"My measurements are 37-37-37.  What would that make me?"

It would make him a paper towel tube.  A large paper towel tube.  "Go with your waist size.  You can pad out the top." 

"I think that's a size 12.  Where can I find a Vanna White-style of dress?"

We spent a delightful afternoon online shopping and discussing different styles and fabrics and how to accentuate his non-waist and the best way to make boobs.  

"What size bra would I take?  I want pummelo size."

What cup size is a pummelo?  That's another idea I'd never pondered on.  We stopped short of having him try on one of my bras for size.  I think if he had, his sister would have had a convulsion.  She seemed to be developing strange facial tics. 

I am hoping that for Mother's Day he and I can go dress shopping together.  And then we can look for wigs!  His half-inch hair ain't gonna cut it.  Top it off with a trip to Bath and Body Works for some smelly-good skin stuff and this could be the best Mother's Day ever! 

He is gonna make a damn fine Vanna White.  And he's already got the pumps for it.  Size 15.


  1. This post cracks me up! What a great kid. And to have a mom that totally supports him with this is just awesome! I would love to meet this drag queen someday, and if you EVER decide to go to a gay bar in SLC, you can't leave me out!

  2. Fanny, there's Drag Queen Bingo once a month in SL that's a fund raiser. Anyone can come in drag! We've gotta go!

  3. The Sour Kraut's gotta hate this. Obviously I've never met either of you but I can't imagine two people less compatible. A fun awesome mom who loves life and genuinely loves her kids for who they are vs. the uptight p-hood holding [fill in the blank] who narrated the fugging X-Mas program and sleeps alone. I can't think of two more polar opposites.

    And people wonder why we don't want to go to Mormon heaven. I'd much rather hang out with the drag queens.