I wasn't going to blog today. I'm angry and beyond frustrated and didn't sleep much last night. But when I saw this video on Kiley's blog it just struck me like a sledgehammer. I'm going to try and make some sense of all this.
As mothers we want our children, especially our daughters, to be happy with themselves. To really love themselves for who they uniquely are. We want to gently nuture that while still trying to offer guidance and correction when needed. After all, we are the parents. We actually want to raise happy, productive members of society, not crazed maniacs who go on shooting sprees or lazy leeches living off the the government--or their parents.
It's a fine, fine line sometimes between being supportive and enabling bad behaviors. As a mother, I have let guilt guide me too often. I feel it's my fault she's acting this way so I can't correct her for it. I've given her my bad genetics, I've been a bad mother, whatever. Well, maybe it's my fault, maybe not. Should it matter when it comes to dealing with the issue?
I really suck at this theoretical, philosophical writing. I'm just gonna lay this sucker out. I took a second job at barely over minimum wage to pay my daughter's college rent and expenses. Just to try and be a "good" mom. But maybe I'm just enabling. I mean, how in the hell does a person get a .68 GPA?! And why am I paying for it?! I'm feeling like I've been trying to be a fucking perfect mom but instead I've just been fucked over. I need coffee...and chocolate...and donuts...