Tuesday, October 4, 2011

The sisters of the Anti-knee-highs-with-levis-skirts

I was not looking forward to general conference weekend. It was exactly a year ago that I heard the infamous talk by Packer that successfully killed any remaining testimony I had. I've tried to avoid listening to those damn talks like the plague since then and that means getting out of my house and away from the blare of TV and computer. Last April I arranged to work the whole weekend. This time, I wanted to sin. *evil chuckle* Have a sort of "anti-conference". So I gathered some ho friends and booked a hotel room.

Saturday morning session: I worked the early shift to get my hours in before taking the rest of the weekend off. Successful avoidance! And I made money at the same time! Double win!

Saturday afternoon session: Packed and loaded up the ho car. Grabbed munchies, mixers and booze and checked in at the hotel. No kids! No men! Freedom! And we found the best use for an apple since Eve listened to the serpent. However, I did learn that I should never curl my hair when I have any buzz at all. I'm not that great at it even stone-cold sober and I'm still sporting the burn on my cheek.

Priesthood session: After much drinking, smoking, curling, spraying, tucking, padding and general gussying, we mosied out to dinner. We perched at a high top in the bar drinking, eating and swearing while watching the herds of men and boys in their white shirts and ties shovel fat and sugar into their holy temples. I think I remember trying to talk the other women into a synchonized nip slip to entertainment them. 

We held our own late night session at a club. I was called a tease by a pathetic wank stain on the pillow of life. (I can't take credit for that phrase but isn't it great?!) I may be lonely but I'm not desperate.

The Sunday sessions were spent sipping coffee and shopping with the other heathens. There was a near miss when we stopped at a convenience store for a drink.  As I was walked out, a man walked in carrying a small boombox blaring conference.  He couldn't miss a sacred word as he shopped on Sunday! *snort* Gotta love Utah.

All in all, the best conference weekend ever!  I'll need to top it in another six months.


  1. What a marvelous use of your time -- and what a waste of a good boombox.

  2. What a wonderful way to spend the weekend!
    I spent it fishing. Saturday, I went to my parents, and they turned it off (so that I would come over).

  3. Sounds like sooo much fun! What a great idea. Next time I am doing this "anti-conference" thing! New Orleans here I come!

  4. Anti-conference - Love it!

    The guy seriously walked into a store, on a Sunday, listening to GC on his boombox? What a weirdo.