Thursday, June 9, 2011

Just a little off the ass, please

I had a checkup the other day and I got on a scale for the first time since my last doctor's visit.  I knew I'd gained weight.  I've bought a few pairs of jeans in larger sizes.  My stretchy pants still fit but they look like black sausage casings and tend to highlight the cellulite instead of smoothing over it.  But I still wasn't expecting the scale to scream, "You've gained back two-thirds of the weight you lost, lard ass!!"  It's no wonder the sundresses I have been trying on make me look like a parade float.

I've never been a willowy model type and I've come to terms with that.  I'm a big girl at the best of times. I'm vertically enhanced and I like to eat.  I like the term "brick house" because you wouldn't want to crash your car into me--the car would sustain serious damage.  But there comes a point where "brick house" turns to "blubber house" even on my elongated bod.  I'm leaving in exactly four weeks for Vegas to celebrate my 49th birthday and I don't want to go looking like this:

So it's time for some drastic action.  I'm starting a round of HCG.  I've done the fun part and fat-loaded for two days.  Now I start the detox.  In 21 days my system will be cleansed of those nasty carb cravings and I'm hoping to be at least 15 pounds lighter.  (Last time I did this I lost 20 so I think 15 is a very reasonable hope.)  I won't be fitting into my skinniest jeans but I hope to be less float-worthy.  To keep myself accountable I will post my weight loss (or gain) daily.  For any of you who give a shit.  Bring on the apples and chicken!


  1. Promise me that once you get to that goal weight, you will exercise regularly. Call me, I'll give you some tips.

  2. Post away. My husband is tracking his weight loss on an excel spread sheet. I'm not that organized, but probably should be. I've hit a plateau.Good luck, and whatever your weight, I hope to see hot pictures from Vegas soon!

  3. Unless you've gained a significant amount of weight since March, you look great. I believe the term "Glamazon" was used more than once to describe you that week. :)

    But good luck with the diet. I'm staring at 30 pounds that are not budging and I feel like crap.

    And have fun in Vegas.

  4. Marianne, do you have any tips for those that hate to exercise? That whole sweaty thing is what gets me.

    Donna, it's a constant battle, isn't it? And I hope to HAVE hot pictures from Vegas and not just sweaty hot.

    GLAMAZON, Brandi?! If I heard that word in Vegas I would have remembered because I would have died laughing in a heap on the floor. I just scared my dogs with my snorting. I'v4 got to embroider that on a pillow or something... Oh my hell.