Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The irony and the ecstasy

I was back at the daily grind today, daydreaming as I mindlessly unwrapped a box of crap, when I noticed a woman purposefully pushing a shopping cart toward me and trailing a teenage daughter. 

"Do you have a purity ring," she demanded.  My mind was suffering from a lack of caffeine and  for a split second I thought she was inquiring about the state of my hymen which, frankly, is none of her business.  I was worried that I look like a born-again virgin since I'm way too old and jaded to be an original virgin.  (I have it on good authority that if you haven't had sex in a year you are a born-again virgin.)

It suddenly dawned on me what she really meant.  She was looking for one of those rings like the Jonas Brothers used to wear.  (Don't ask me why I know this about them.)  The kind that means you'll refrain from any sexual pleasure until marriage.  I think it was a little late for that woman so she must have wanted it for her poor cowed-looking daughter.  I could only imagine what would have happened if there had been one for her to buy. 
Would she have shoved it on her daughter's finger thinking it would protect her like some medieval chastity belt?  The ring doesn't have quite the same coverage.

But isn't that kind of what the ubiquitous CTR ring is for Mormons?  Sort of a symbol that says "you'll never get in my pants until the wedding night (or maybe the wedding afternoon if we get the chance)"?

I think this guy has a better idea.  I can't see even the most desperate woman wanting inside those pants. 
Deseret Book should start selling these shirts instead.

I know my blog title doesn't quite fit the post but it's a damn good title and I couldn't waste it.


  1. I agree Deseret Book should carry that shirt.

    This whole post just makes me laugh, in a sad sort of way, because that poor girl...

  2. Damn. I had a comment written and lost it. I feel bad for these kids. They would be so much happier and more empowered if they were taught to respect themselves enough to make informed, responsible, and safe choices. The concept of sexual purity is ridiculous and harmful.

    Laughed out loud at the hymen reference. I should start selling "purity rings" i.e. virginal hymens on my blog. Products for the religious is apparently where the money is.

  3. jen, that's what I thought, poor girl.

    CD, I'm sure somebody makes replacement hymens and maybe they could even put "CTR" on them. I mean, if there can be a CTR cockring... The possibilities are endless!