Wednesday, March 16, 2011

New schmoo...

The New Beginnings program.  What the hell is it?  Someone asked me that recently and I had to stop and think.  I've been a Young Woman (long, long ago) and served in Young Womens but still had no clue what it was about.  I do remember one when I was twelve.  I wore a hideous yellow gingham maxi dress (which for some reason is the only dress my mother saved from my early life) and received my first, awkward short-person hug from my YW leader.  I still do not enjoy a hug from someone who's face hits my chest area. I remember the song we had to sing:

New beginnnnnnings
Are tay-yay-king hold of me...
Yesterday's dreams
Are but-ter-flies...

I searched the internet high and low for a video of this masterpiece but it seems to have faded into obscurity sometime in the past 30-some years.  (Good riddance to insipid rubbish.)  But I do not recall the purpose of that particular meeting.

My daughter had her New Beginnings program recently and really wanted me to come as she was performing a musical number.  Since I wasn't scheduled to work, I searched through my closet for a skirt and dug out the ol' church shoes and dusted them off.  While I love dresses, I do not enjoy church dresses so I wore my push up bra and a thong to diminish the nun-like feeling.

It's a good thing my daughter performed at the beginning of the program because the church-induced narcolepsy set in. As soon as the lights went down for a video presentation, I was completely out.  Through years of diligent practice I was able to stay upright and not drool or snore.  I roused briefly to hear the bishop say, "the purpose of the gospel is to bring our family members to Christ."  "Except the gay ones..." flitted through my brain and I was out again.

After my nice nap and the program both ended, I was swarmed by a few of the other women in attendance.  "Oh, Zena, I haven't seen you in forever!!  How's your family?!"   These were women I had never even associated with outside of church activites.  I pasted on a smile and tried not to drown in the saccharin sweetness.  As I finally got the hell out of there and was walking home I realized I still had no idea what the New Beginnings program was for.


  1. Well, I'm sure your daughter gave a really nice performance, and I'm happy that you slept through the rest -- otherwise you might have been overcome with rage. Those YW programs can be brutal.

  2. New Beginnings... ugh! When my last daughter went to her last NB, I secretly jumped for joy. Hated those things.

    "Saccharin sweetness" is a perfect description.

  3. LEt's see...I think it's to get those lovely young ladies to appreciate how they get to do the YW's program rather than an adventurous scouting program like the YM's...I'm glad I've blocked mine out!

  4. Your description brought back so many memories ... ugh.

    Yeah -- what is it for? Maybe instead of "New Beginnings" they should call it "Amping Up the Brainwashing After Primary."