Thursday, August 4, 2011

Old and moldy

My top five reasons why getting old sucks:

5. Pillow face stays most of the day.  Those creases you wake up with that used to be gone in a hour now stay so long it looks like you just woke up at 2pm.  In ten more years they will still be there at bedtime.

4. Reading glasses.  You try and look cool and hip by texting and tweeting and all that shit but you have to pull out reading glasses to do it.  And you use words like cool and hip which aren't anymore.

3. Random hairs.  They sprout from your chin and neck in odd places but you can't see to pull them out without your damn READING GLASSES.

2. Your body looks like a slowly melting candle as it succumbs to gravity.  No part of your body could remotely be considered perky anymore.

1. It takes three days to recover from one night of drinking.  Why couldn't I have done this when I was young and energetic?  Oh yeah, I was mormon.

What else sucks about getting old?  And don't dare answer if you're uinder 40 because I do NOT consider that old.


  1. Random hairs -- that's why middle age is a lot like puberty. Your body changes shape and hair grows in funny places.

  2. I feel very deprived that I didn't drink beer during my 20's when I could have pounded a 6-pack and not gained a pound. I also don't appreciate the joints that are sore for no reason whatsoever. Gray hairs? Not cool.

    Oh, and "adult acne"? If there is a God, fuck him.

  3. Kuri, if middle age is like puberty, it's a very twisted puberty. And men with untamed nose and ear hair make me cringe.

    CD, I've been covering my gray hair since I was in my 20s thanks to sucky genes so it doesn't seem like an old-age thing. But the joints are certainly going.

  4. Getting older SUCKS! I'm turning 35 this month and totally mid-lifing it!