Warning: this post shows a whole lot of ripples and nipples. I started a post on this subject some time ago but never could bring myself to publish it. A recent incident brought it all up to the surface again so here goes.
I ran into a co-worker the other night that I don't work with often. I caught up on how her day-time teaching job was going and and somehow we got onto the subject of my two kids at BYU. She was kind of shocked by this. She knew about my oldest being gay (the famous Halloween visit of Fank N. Furter got around even to those that weren't working that night) but she had no idea about the whole Mormon thing. (I'm rather flattered at the fact that she had no clue I have any Mormon connection.) She asked if my husband's influeunce was the reason for the TBM kids. Not wanting to get into my role in raising them to be righteous Mormons and then changing my mind, I said yes, it was his influence. Because at this point, it is. Then she asked the question that had me gawping like a fish. "So are you guys still...together?" I'm sure she noticed the few seconds it took for me to figure how what the hell to say. Are we together? Hmmm. Let me think about this...
I do not believe he and I will ever see eye-to-eye about the church again. To be fair, when we got engaged he was following his patriarchal blessing's admonition to "choose from among the daughters of Zion" and I was there at BYU milling around among them. I guess I fooled him. I tried, I really tried, but I'm done trying to believe and to fit in. Packer's talk last General Conference put the final nail in the coffin of my testimony.
During one of our rare discussions on the whole gay issue he told me he believed that Lot's wife was turned into a pillar of salt because she turned back to look at her gay children she left behind . Just call me Salty and damn proud of it..
His goal in life is to serve missions after retirement. I'd rather have a lobotomy.
My daughter noticed my lack of garments before he did. (Yep.) When he did notice he said absolutely nothing even when I asked him if he had any questions about the reason. I told him very plainly that if he doesn't ask it means he doesn't care. It's been over a year now and still no questions.
The reason he didn't notice the big change of underwear for weeks? He has had his own bedroom for over 10 years. (His choice, not mine. But it makes is so damn easy to come home stinking drunk and he never knows.)
We live in the same house. We talk politely about money and how-was-your-day and schedules. But are we together? After those few seconds of standing with my mouth hanging open, I just said yes. Because, technically, we are. Right?