Don't Ask Don't Tell started at my house. We are experts at it. If you simply ignore something, it does not exist and we do not have to fight about it. Packer's talk last conference has barely been mentioned. we all heard it (even me through my closed door) but we do not discuss it.
My oldest son is gay. He came out to the immediate family about 2 1/2 years ago. Very few of the extended family know. Both sides are extremely devout Mormons and we just haven't wanted to push things. My son is an awesome human being. He's very smart, makes damn good money for someone his age, and is also pursuing his bachelors degree. He cooks divinely, sews, and cleans! All in all, a terrific man. He's had some very difficult times but since he came out he has made great strides. He's happier, less stressed and more confident. Being gay does not define him but it is an important component. I can buy him size 13 shoes for his size 15 feet, but that will not make his feet a size 13. I could buy him green contact lenses but his eyes will still be an icy blue. And pretending he is not gay will not make him straight. Ask him about work but not about his partner. That would be admitting he's gay. Ignore the ring he wears on his left hand. It means nothing. Ignore the fact that he loves Lady Gaga and Pink. And that he wore a fantastic Frank N. Furter costume for Halloween, complete with corset. He cooked us an incredible Thanksgiving dinner and his siblings and father ate it. But his partner was not invited and it's still don't ask and he won't tell. It's all just fine.