Don't Ask Don't Tell started at my house. We are experts at it. If you simply ignore something, it does not exist and we do not have to fight about it. Packer's talk last conference has barely been mentioned. we all heard it (even me through my closed door) but we do not discuss it.
My oldest son is gay. He came out to the immediate family about 2 1/2 years ago. Very few of the extended family know. Both sides are extremely devout Mormons and we just haven't wanted to push things. My son is an awesome human being. He's very smart, makes damn good money for someone his age, and is also pursuing his bachelors degree. He cooks divinely, sews, and cleans! All in all, a terrific man. He's had some very difficult times but since he came out he has made great strides. He's happier, less stressed and more confident. Being gay does not define him but it is an important component. I can buy him size 13 shoes for his size 15 feet, but that will not make his feet a size 13. I could buy him green contact lenses but his eyes will still be an icy blue. And pretending he is not gay will not make him straight. Ask him about work but not about his partner. That would be admitting he's gay. Ignore the ring he wears on his left hand. It means nothing. Ignore the fact that he loves Lady Gaga and Pink. And that he wore a fantastic Frank N. Furter costume for Halloween, complete with corset. He cooked us an incredible Thanksgiving dinner and his siblings and father ate it. But his partner was not invited and it's still don't ask and he won't tell. It's all just fine.
Your son is lucky to have an immediate family that accepts him. He's also lucky to have a good job, a partner, and great fashion sense!
ReplyDeleteYour extended family sounds like some of mine. My daughter lives with her boyfriend. Mark and I took them to UT last Oct. to visit my in-laws. Their marital status never came up until we were visiting Temple Square, and my MIL introduced them to one of those senior sister missionary tour guides as, "This is my granddaughter and her husband."
Sometimes it's DADT. Sometimes it's flat out lies.
Donna, if his father and siblings would accept him as he is, I think he'd be more open to telling the extended family. But at this point, I don't think it's ever going to happen. It's just DADT and, yes, lies.
ReplyDeleteYour son sounds awesome! He obviously has an awesome mother. Someday I hope the DADT folks are very ashamed of their shameful behavior.
ReplyDeleteYour son is very lucky to have such a loving and accepting mother. I can't imagine the relief he must feel to have the love and acceptance from the people closest to him. I watched "Prop 8" a few weeks ago and to see the support of a gay son's mother was very heartwarming.
ReplyDeleteFanny, I know one of the women in "Prop 8" and she is an incredible woman. I'd love to be even half as strong as she is.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog. I have recently been blogging about how raising kids is hard! Sounds like you raised a great son.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Becky. I think he turned out awesome, too.
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